Thinking

sometimes, i like to think, and try to understand something that i may never truly understand.
i guess i like knowing who i am, because i can never truly know anyone in this world.
i am many things, i'm an artist, i am hot tempered, i am shy, i am awkward, i am understanding, i am silly... i have a little girl inside of me...

why though. why can't i just be like that girl across from me. why can't i just desire a normal relationship... people say, well that's boring. but at the same time... it's safe... the chances of getting hurt, rejected, feeling confused is so much less, while the chances of finding someone compatible is some much higher.. but that aside. i am who i am. is there any reason denying it any longer? 21 years trying to figure that out and now. maybe... i'm okay ..

i'm okay with being a child, i alright with being a little more naive, i'm fine with needed a father figure in my life to keep me strong and help me grow, i'm happy to be someone who understands that i'm different but aren't we all. we're all made up of skin, flesh and bones, we all hurt and rejoice, we all struggle and we all hope to conquer but all out paths and all that is on the inside of us is different.
i'm different. and i suppose i don't owe anyone an explanation why.. not even myself.

21 years.. i hope i find you soon.. because there's so much i want to share and let out and let go off. there's so much i want to learn and want to teach, there's so much i want to experience and encounter. but i'll leave it to God and His time and in the meanwhile... i'll just be thinking.

Malisa