the things i had a chance to do

in june this year, i had the chance to meet up with a friend/ daddy type in japan for 8 days.
i've never been with someone who was into this kind of thing for such a long period of time and i have to say, as much as it was an emotional roller coaster, it was fucking amazing (excuse my language).
The important thing to note is that he isn't my daddy and though i had hoped that i would never do this to myself, which is to be involved in a daddy/Lg type dynamic if it wasn't a committed relationship, it was impossible to say no. and though it was terrible and difficult to place my emotions aside, it's nice to know that we are still friends with a mutual understanding that there's nothing between us but friendship.

That aside, i had the chance to do things that have lived in my mind for 22 years and it was a mazing to experience them physically for the first time,

i had the chance to be put in a diaper ... many many times, and strangely enough, i wasn't really embarrassed.. i guess when you are in that state of mind and you trust someone, you let go pretty easily.. i just could not bring myself to go number 2 in it and i don't think i would EVERRRRR do it ... hell no .. but i sure went number 1 a lot! for some reason, i feel like i have to go more when i'm wearing one than when i'm not .. which is super weird ...

i had the chance to be spanked. as much as it hurt and all, it's still something i'm really attracted to, the dominance, the control, knowing that you are under someone else's authority... gives me shivers all the time..he didn't really like giving spankings i think, cuz it was super tiring he said and his hands hurt while giving it. he tried a belt and spoon on my tush .. hurt super intensely lots ._. i don't like the spoon

i had the chance to be dressed like a child ~ ahhhh it was so fun and it was lovely being told i looked cute.. ^___^ i remember i tried on a sailor uniform outfit ! teehee ! the last night he had decided that he wanted to take me out dressed as a child .. i was like O_O nonono and he's like yup and i'm like yeah right he's probably not going to do it .. but when we came back from a night of light drinking he got me dressed and i just thought we were going to stay home. but holy jesus he starts leading me to the door and i'm literally grabbing the walls or whatever to stay inside. he got me out in the end which was a.... TERRIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING experience .. it was late and there weren't many people and japan is pretty weird on it's own but still it was horribly scary and embarrassing but at the same time heart poundingly exciting .. so wow ... yeah.. that was interesting .

i had the chance to be cuddled.. i realized how much i love to nuzzle into someones neck, i realized how much i love to be held. it was truly lovely ....UwU

there are lots and lots of other things that i won't mention just because it's silly to just say i did this and it was great yay.... but more than that.... i guess i'm grateful that i had the chance to live out something that i never thought i'd be able to do in this lifetime. of course i'm still hopeful and wishful and dreaming of the day i'll be able to find a man who would love me the way i desire to be loved and who would be able to fill this need.. but even if i didn't find him .. i'd still have these memories to hold on to and smile on...

well that's all i'll write tonight ~
lisa over and out !